Get Busy!

Recently, I was standing on line at an outdoor ATM when a gentleman, also on line, asked me whether the bank itself was still open. I suggested he go to the door itself and see. (He did...to find the bank had just closed.)

So often, total strangers have pegged me as a knowledgeable, go-to person that I set up this label here on Building Common Ground to describe these experiences. One common factor: I have most often not been in a mood to talk when people appproached me. Yet I've been out there and accessible.

To get people to come to you, it sometimes helps not to show how much you want them. It sounds like a paradox, but it's true: people often are much more interested in you when they're not sure whether you're interested in them. If you seem really eager for them, they wonder if you're desperate.

And being desperate drives people away, because - fairly or unfairly - they wonder what you may know about yourself...and what other people may know about you...that they don't know (and would rather not find out the hard way). Is there a reason why people don't see value in you?

Basically, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Get (looking) busy if you want to get busy!

Land of Pork and Honey

Emily and I recently visited Annie's again - we both like the food and the surroundings, albeit in different ways...she enjoys the crabs and the view of the water (let's just say the fish are as fresh as fish can be), whereas I dig the pork and the decor (especially the pink).

The waitress kept calling me "hon". A bit irritating, but I understand where waitresses are coming from. Especially since this area (Maryland's Eastern Shore) is semi-rural like Ocean City even if Annie's is higher-class than many Ocean City places.

So when I paid the check (with a 20+% tip), I told her "It's nice of you to call me hon. Please, just call me Jeff. I appreciate your efforts to make everyone here feel welcome."

And she smiled.

Been There, Didn't Do That - But Still Got the T-Shirt

Last summer, I visited San Francisco, including Alcatraz - the infamous former maximum-security prison. As a memento, I got an Alcatraz T-Shirt.

Yesterday, I visited the local Borders while wearing said T-Shirt. Someone came up to me and said "Those three that went missing - do you think they survived?"

I looked up at him. "Huh?"

"The three who swam out of Alcatraz - do you think they escaped, or did they drown?"

"I have no idea."

"Oh, OK - I thought you were an expert on the subject."

Wisdom Comes Where You Find It

Yesterday, I found out about a job fair at Fort Meade in central Maryland coming up Wednesday. Since I planned to post about it anyway, I decided to check out the announcement. Many of the employers' names were in red and were preceded by red * marks. Given the location of this job fair, the likely clientele and the types of employers, I guessed that the markings indicated that applicants to those firms need security clearances.

(Job-hunting hint: Even if a firm says that they also welcome those who can qualify for security clearances, applicants who already have them enjoy a major advantage. Government agencies may be more willing to sponsor employees to get clearances. All of the above refers to U.S. employers.)

(Job-hunting hint#2: This fair is during the day, so the employers are much more likely to at least consider unemployed people.)

Curious, I called the listed contact person, Jerome Duncan.

Jerome: Oh, that means that's for applicants with security clearances only. It says so at the top of the page.

Jeff: That's good to know. You see, the online announcement, at least, doesn't have that information so I really appreciate your telling me.

Jerome: It certainly should say that - let me take a look.

[Pause]

Jerome: I'm going to have to let them know about this right away. Thank you very much for telling me.

Jeff: Thank you kindly, I appreciate your help.

Jerome: Thank you for giving me a heads-up!

All too many people get so defensive when people point out issues. Even if it's something their co-workers may have messed up, not they themselves, lots of folks shoot the proverbial messenger. So let me be the first to congratulate Jerome Duncan on being open to the facts. Keep up the good work!

Gut Feelings About Justice and Rational Decision-Making

A team of researchers has found that judges are much more likely to grant parole first thing in the morning, and right after lunch/snack break. In fact, the probability that a prisoner will get parole is approximately 65% at the start of a morning or afternoon session - and approximately zero at the end of the session (morning or afternoon).

In fact, these dynamics probably apply to a host of decision-making settings.

That's one more brick in the wall of proof, if proof be needed, that decisions often get made on the basis of non-rational or even irrational factors. After all, what does the exact timing of the hearing have to do with whether or not the prisoner deserves parole?

What's more, this is yet another reason why it's important to get people to like you, no matter what your objective merits are. For example, court clerks often decide which cases get heard when...and they've probably long since noticed how it influences the actual decisions.

H/T: News of the Weird's syndicated newspaper column. IMHO, in this day and age reading paper newspapers may be "weirder" than the above decision-making patterns.

Autism Awareness Month Roundup

Hello,

I've been quite busy this Autism Awareness Month.

Among other things, I took part in an Aspie panel for the Howard County (Maryland) Asperger's Support Group - mostly for parents of Aspies. The idea here was to help the parents understand what it can be like to be an Aspie.

Also, I gave guest posts at Multiples and More and Acting Balanced in honor of the occasion.

Last night, I took part in a Blog Talk Radio discussion on day-to-day issues facing Aspies.

What do you plan to do next year for Autism Awareness Month?

Admitting Ignorance Is No Crime

Looking for my precise bus stop at a general bus depot in Seattle, no transit employees around:

Conversation abbreviated to pertinent part...

"Pardon me sir, can you help me find the stop for XYZ Bus?"

"It may be a bit far to walk..."

"That's OK, I don't mind walking a bit. If you know precisely where it is, please tell me."

"Well, you walk about thirty blocks that way..."

"Obviously, you don't know where the XYZ Bus stop at this depot is. I'm sorry to have disturbed you, sir. Have a great day." (Walk away.)

Yelling after me: "Then why did you ask me in the first place?"

Because unfortunately I can neither read minds, nor predict the future, nor even detect someone who actually has the information I'm looking for. At this point, I'll settle for someone who, if they don't know the answer, will at least be up front about it.

Takeaway: Not knowing the answer to a random stranger's question is OK. Wasting their time when you don't know the answer isn't. (Not to mention they'll find out anyway!)