My good friend Sam has posted about a defining episode in her past relationship with "Adrian," who was diagnosed with AS while they were dating.
Sam brings the empathy of a hard-core medic, the wisdom of experience and the skill of a creative writing major. As far as I know, this is a true story, involving the NT-Aspie relationship she previously told us about.
Keep in mind a few Aspie traits which raised challenges in their relationship. Aspies sometimes have problems understanding things, especially feelings, which aren't spelled out in so many words. People can discuss events and we will understand the events themselves.
It will be more difficult for us to understand how those things make people feel - especially if the feelings are expressed through nonverbal cues like body language, facial expressions and tones of voice. Those feelings may be rooted in past events which we may actually know about, but if the connection is not explicitly made it may not occur to us.
We need to make as great an effort as possible to understand how people are feeling. At the same time, we should ask others, especially NTs, to make themselves as clear as possible. We need to understand that we must ask NTs to go beyond their tacit understanding of "clear," which often includes figures of speech, hints, euphemisms, understatement, gestures, facial expressions and the like.
In making these requests, we need to model what we need them to do - ask in so many words. We need to explain that if something is not put in literal, verbal terms we are much less likely to understand it.
What do you think?
Hour 4: What do you want? Look at your goals.
9 years ago