Ten years ago today, I returned from Beijing, where I'd taught for the fall and winter. (The food is great, but don't drink the water and don't breathe the air! And do bring your rain and winter gear.)
This was the first full-time job I'd ever had that required so much as a college degree. And I fouled it up seriously...I only realized how seriously in the weeks and months to come.
In the year 2000, I first learned how much my personality problems could cost me. Suffice it to say for now that it eventually became clear I would probably never again work full-time in the field I had studied (Economics).
I tried to come to terms with why - and how - I was having so much difficulty getting along with people and why I kept getting rejected, especially in jobs. Not knowing (as opposed to conjecturing based on projecting my own motivations) just how most people actually operate, I worked from a very bad map...and my efforts to make the terrain conform to the map of course came to nothing.
Only three years later, when Emily first told me about AS, did I have any idea that I was in effect trying to drive an English car (with the steering wheel on the right-hand side, made for driving on the left side of the road) on American roads (where you drive in cars with steering wheels on the left-hand side, on the right side of the road).
AS destroys relationships in such a way that the Aspie - without already knowing s/he is one - does not know what's going on or even that s/he sees the world very differently from others. Other people, frustrated at his/her seeming inability to empathize with others, to "get" things without being told or to use tact, blow up at the Aspie and accuse him/her of being lazy, rude, even sociopathic. Meanwhile, since the Aspies doesn't know what is going on, and only sees people blowing up with little apparent (to him/her) rhyme or reason, may come to think the world is a hostile place, full of irrational people.
Knowing and acknowledging, at first to yourself, that you're an Aspie is the all-important first step to reversing this vicious pattern.
What do you think?
Hour 4: What do you want? Look at your goals.
9 years ago